The Saudi Golem

If you've spent enough time in a Saudi 'professional' environment, you would realise that innovation isn't the establishments strong suit (unless your are talking about innovative gossip). The gears here have rusted long ago, and it has become an unwritten clause in a managers job description to squash the asspiring spirits of new/fresh blood.

There is an initial resistance to this, but with no alternatives but becoming a thief that steals gas canisters, or a junkie drifter that plays car bowling with spectators, being an employee has become a process of dehumanizing the masses.

There is no work ethic, just blind following, factions within the same company are reminiscent of clans of yesteryear where managers would send/transfer key employees to become their eyes and ears and no more.

In fact, getting a job, especially in a government sector would mean sacrificing yourself and morphing into a golem, a creature thats sole purpose is to do your managers/masters bidding.

With the oil boom going toward the inevitable climax, and thousands of Saudi students green with their inexperience of the Saudi workplace, there are bound to be some archgolams in the future wreaking havoc or breaking down with that reality collision.

The Saudi Beholder

The saudi psyche is infused with a fear of the evil eye. For those of you unfamiliar with the phrase, it is a supernatural phenomena that causes trauma and misfortune to the recipient of this curse. The source of it is an envious glance or gaze.

So what people do usually to avoid this is hide their fortune and bliss. Appearing as poor slobs, better safe then handicapped.

Stories(rumors) of the evil eye crop up and fuel the panicked masses from time to time, like cousin Jude that bought some cool boots only to fall down a flight of stairs after being admired by cousin sam. Sam gave her the evil eye, and a leg cast for 8 weeks.

The evil eye can also cause organic damage, like rashes, speech impediments and arthritis. These ailments are not curable by medical procedures, as they will reoccur like a demonic spore. The only way it can be removed is if the person whom originally gave the deadly gaze would spit on the victim (or the victim drink after the perpetrator, essentially, an exchange of bodily fluids must occur).

Many attribute their misfortune to the eye, losing in the stick market, a car braking one day after warranty expiration, or cake falling on their new carpet.

Overall, there would be some truth to this, but having the eye as a scapegoat for every misfortune is just an escape from reality. Just be careful if you have a bit of visual appeal, as beauty might end with the evil eye of the beholder.

Saudi Ass-Ass-Ins

So theres talk about opening up the sale of handguns in Saudi. No waiting period, just a SR500000 Bank Guarantee. Which is the equivalent of a '5 accidental death' coupon.
See, the law here does not take into account inflation, and killing someone accidentally does not result in the death penalty, but a SR 100000 fine (US$26500) that was set in the 60's. So your covered for up to 5 fatalities.
This move is no doubt a response to the Khobar city mobs which destroyed part of the seaside commercial area, with the poor workers having nothing more than plastic forks and spoons to defend themselves. The rioters got away Scott free and only a handful were flogged for show.

Martial law makes a whole lot more sense, no more excessive spending on the police and military (Oil isn't forever), no more confusing paperwork (education isn't forever).

My only concern is that the import of these guns will be regulated, if video games are any indication, a teenager would be able to go to a back alley and purchase a Colt with the new bootleg of GTA for less than the price of a meal in the restaurant he plans on mugging next national day.

Saudi Amateur Porn

Contemplating a 'Squeeze' or 'Pinch' (No relation to story)

One thing off the table, there is no porn industry in KSA.

That said, there are two types of documented smut in this land.

First: The hormone crazed jerks that flood the net with the images and videos of masked and veiled sexual antics, as well as pics of girls they conned with fake promises of love ever-after.

Second: And this is a segment still unawares, is wedding photographers. See, this has been making the rounds in the underground scene. Wedding photographers are in many ways, very persuasive, and as they tend to take many engagement and prewedding photographs, they do enjoy some voice of authority projected by implied experience.

And most of them are women, so they give an impression of caring non threatening aura in a male dominated society. Furthermore, the bride and groom to be are naive and trusting and will follow her instruction to the letter as to not be blamed for ruining the moment.

So what happens is, the photographer would ask the couple-to-be to make out, pose in very embarrassing positions, and otherwise, give a recorded collage of compromising imagery.

What happens to these digital images after they are printed is anyones guess. But with no legal backing, these images and videos may become part of private collections for perverted individuals that not only get their voyeur material delivered, but enhanced and preserved in gloss as well.

Saudi Watch

Saudis are infamous for being nosy. Yet ironically they are very private and protective. Gossip is a national pastime, but visual gossip has only taken off in the past few years.

By visual gossip I man videos, pictures...that sort of thing. The new breed of annoyance has taken it upon themselves to document everything...with a flare of impudence.

As more and more teens are attempting drive by shootings, with cameras. This sort of practice is followed by brawls as many innocent pedestrians regard taking of their picture as a taking of their soul.

But, the hunters are some times huntees, as the unsuspecting shutterbugs are not immune to a taste of their own medicine. yet, they get furious at those who practice that same behaviour when they are at the other end of the equation.

Purchasing a camera in Saudi is the equivalent of purchasing a bong in the states. Its legal, but people will think the worst of you. And you are more likely to find a tortured and gorged camera phone in the trash then on sale as paranoia of unerasable pictures trumps that of a fistful of Riyals

The False Saudi Prince

Saudis are not rich, fact is a huge majority are staggering on that middle class cliff. Yet you always hear the story of Saudi abroad being financially discriminated against. In Egypt, there are special prices for Saudis that are double what local, even western patrons pay. In Malaysia, taxi drivers consider it an insult if a Saudi tourist asks for the meter to be turned on. In Syria....I don't want to even go there.

So why is that? UAE nationals are supposed to be richer then Saudis yet aren't treated the same way. It is the law of averaging, UAE big/huge wigs are few in number, and even when traveling practice some sort of spending restraint.
Saudi higher Ups on the other hand, spend like the currency is going out of style, from booking entire 5-star hotels to renting out 747s for shopping sprees to contemplating the purchase of Buckingham Palace as a summer home.

It is this that has caused greedy individuals the world out to froth at the mouth at the mear sight of a Saudi. Add to that that Saudis have an unapperciation of personal appearance and there is no telling what diamond can be found in the rough.

So when a French national claiming to be a Saudi prince accumulated $42000 in hotel services during a 16 day stay in an Australian resort, fingers were quick to point the blame at the hotel for extending the courtesy based on greed. The hotel has waved a PR card at the Saudi government if they do not foot the bill, which I think is ridiculous. Being as dumb as to fall for that is a clear indication of your susceptibility to these scams. Whats to prevent a horde of 419 Nigerians from sending emails with semi-broken Hijazi dialect asking for $500 for a return plane ticket from Lagos?

I'll tell you, its the same reason the Frenchmen was found out, $42000 in 16 days is very conservative compared to the spending average of a prince, it was obvious he was a fake. Just last month, a Saudi Princess was robbed in Italy of $16 Million. When you are going on a hustle, go all the way.

Between Riyadh & Nowhere - The Saudi Afro

Some may argue that Saudi is a country stuck in the middle ages, a foolish statement overall, but one that can be reinforced with some pieces of evidence.

The middle ages in question here are the 70s, and the evidence is the afro culture. The ethnicity in Saudi means that a large proportion of the population have curly hair, and apparently the only barber being incarcerated in Riyadh in 1973 meant that the streets suddenly transformed into the marshes of black. fast forward into 2009, where the afro style has made a comeback, also known locally as 'Cadash'. Obviously under the rules of decency (read - decent appearance) if someone is caught in the street with a cadash, that would be the equivalent of exposing pubic hair, as in there are consequences, the least of being getting a Bruce Willes style haircut.

So what happens when Saudis live abroad? They go wild, in a bad way. I have seen so many cadash out there, with complete works such as low waste, mask like sunglasses and other accessories so revolting they would shut down a power plant.

I even saw a bunch of Saudis, all cadash. they were such an incredible sight I would think that Japanese businessmen would hire them to walk in shopping malls to sweep the ceilings clean.

The freedom here in Britannia (UK) is not always easy on the eyes, no wonder getting a haircut cost so much, there are no economies of scale.

Between Riyadh and Nowhere - The Saudi Traveller

Lots and lots of comparisons are published in the news between what happens in Saudi and what the rest of the world finds common. Little is done the other way around. I will write a series of posts about incidences about comparing and contrasting.

Being from Riyadh, many a time in a bachelors life he was approached in a mall by security, to be asked to leave with his friends. This happened enough times to call it a rule. I don't know what the logic is exactly but I can guess that the full diorama of a bunch of Saudi young men is quite the revolting scene. And that this might discourage shoppers from their money spending and give the mall a bad reputation.

Coming to Britannia, a familiar scene is presented, yet very different. Where a bunch of late-teen girls, wearing clothing not classified as modest if rated by a panel, sit on the ground laughing, gossiping, and giggling in a manner that would indicate they are semi-drunk to a semi-interested person. 5 minutes later, the security guard comes up and asks them to leave...imagine that!!!

Paybacks a Bi***

More to come...

Da Saudi Sex Machine

Everybody has heard about oh so creepy Mr.abdulJawad and his little sex disclosure stint on LBC. I think its sick and I also think its sick those who are defending him saying that he should be commended for bravery in being honest in showing the Saudis "secret" deviant side.
Bullshit, the same as saying that an embezzling employee is a bank should be commended when flaunting his crimes on a reality show, because there are many criminals who are doing it in secret.

That is not the topic of this post, the topic is about equality. Mazin is small fry, an idiot who tripped the circuit breaker, the main problem is going up the ladder.

Digital Journal has reported that a Saudi Businessman Ordered a $50,000 Solid Gold Penis Enlarger. Way to take the taste out of the LBC scandal!!!

The company representative was quoted saying “It's an unusual request. We didn't take it seriously at first, but once he sent us a deposit, we had to agree to it. Obviously, there were giggles initially when we presented our project to a jeweler and asked him for help.”

If gold and diamonds won't ease your way to/through a girls heart/xxx, then what will??

These items are prohibited in KSA, with customs officers trained to rip you a new one if you are caught with them, yet there is a threshold to authority it seems. It just isn't clear if the laws are based on the value of the items, or the person.

Link

Somethings Amiss in this Saudi Ignorance Bliss

There are a number of things that Saudis aren't used to when studying abroad. As they are thrust into an environment where they are forced to interact with daily foreign life.

Culture shock is an understatement.

A number of situations happen where a Saudi will block out or black out for not being able to know what to do, as he/she have not been told how to react.

Examples:
Walking out in the early morning and seeing replenishment trucks at bars moving kegs.
It is a sin to even touch alcohol
Speaking with a friend and getting asked about pregnancy advice about the friends girlfriend
It is a sin to have premarital sex
Getting a threat letter demanding a late payment plus interest
It is a sin to pay usury

The typical Saudi will go into his/her alternate breakaway persona, if even for seconds, handle the situation in the least damaging way possible and revert back into normal mode, denying he ever did anything wrong.

A moron will take things out of proportion, making sure that not him/her or any involved party will ever forget that situation, blowdrying the cement on the Saudi stereotype even more, evermore.

Ask a Saudi Week

I may not be updating as much as that Saudi Trousers guy, or have the gift of gob as that Sand Gets in My Ears chick. But I do care.
So if there is anything you wanted to know about the intricacies of Saudi culture but were too afraid/lazy to ask, now is your chance. This post loses its oracleness on Tuesday August 4th.

A Ghoul - Saudi Symantics

The dictionary defines a ghoul as "A spirit said to feed on corpses; A grave robber; a person with an undue interest in death and corpses"
But don't be surprised if you get called that a lot by Saudis.

You see 'aghoul' (pronounced A-Ghoul) is the Saudi verbal equivalent of 'Hey'; 'Hey Dude'; 'Hey you'...you get the picture, meaning that it will most likely be said in a loud audible voice from a blind spot to get your attention, your reaction based on hearing someone announce there is corpse eating spirit near by may be different.

This little tidbit was bought to you by my friend 'A Beer', actually abeer is an Arabic girls name meaning sweet aroma, so asking for ABeer in Saudi will get you lashed no matter what you mean.

A Beer being saved from A Ghoul by the Hey'ah

Call 999 - It's a Saudi Emergency

Its nothing like this

http://www.break.com/index/chick-arrested-for-swearing-at-911.html?advanced=824421

But the public servants o KSA are an uncanny crowed. Since there is a lack of standards (or incentives for that matter) you get either an over the top or a drunk-like low life when dialing emergency numbers.
One thing is for certain,crystal ball in hand, you need to anticipate an emergency at least 12-24 hours before it happens. The reason is that calling with anything short of mentioning the "T" word puts your sorry ass in the VUP list (Very unimportant person), Where details of you and your emergency will be logged on, and supposedly help is on the way....but in reality, they know that most Saudis are panicky and love to exaggerate, so they will ignore the situation until you call again, and again, and again with the same details. Of course you can bypass all this grief with the magic "T" word, but it may land you in hot water depending on the non-standardized mood of the CO.
Another problem is that cities such as Jeddah and Riyadh are grape vines, unplanned expansion means that if you are lucky enough to know where you are, the police and ambulance may not. And by the time they get there (if they do) the time frame is well beyond the "pizza will get cold, and so will your corpse" period. There are numerous stories of ambulances asking for directions to the nearest hospital with gut wrenching shrieks in tow.

Nobody wants to be the boy who cries "T"...but if its life or death, you don't want to end up with two dead bodies, the person you are trying to save as well as yours dying of frustration (and a grand phone bill).

A Tale of 3 Saudi Movies - Not Made in KSA

With all these debates about cinemas in KSA, many talk about the effect of movies in changing views and educating emus and such.

I won't go into the point that says that Saudis would evolve with the establishments of theaters and great movies will raise the Saudi image abroad. Of course that is total bullshit, point in case is that everyone still makes fun of Egyptian movies, an industry with 50 years of experience.

What I want to talk about is the other side, the way KSA is portrayed in movies. Although there are countless films that have the token Saudi bad guy, the token Saudi moron, the token Saudi corrupt pig. I won't mention those as the list is too much for this crumbling keyboard.

I will list three examples that have stories based WITHIN the country. and point out the truth from fiction.

The first is not technically a movie, but makes up a good 50 miutes (close enough). The two part American Dad: Stan of Arabia. This in particular is a constant reoccurring subject of chain spam mail, always detailing of how the west is feeding the world hate propaganda. And after watching it, I fully agree. I don't really care of what defenders of free speech supposedly spew with Saudis not having a sense of humor. Joking is something you can do with your best friend, and Fox isn't really what you might call a friend of KSA. Criticise all you want, but base it on truth.

Verdict: The show is complete and utter BS

Next: The Kingdom, the movie starring Jamie Foxx about a CIA team sent to Riyadh to aid in an investigation. The movie does correctly portray the locations and some behavioural aspects of the culture, but its dramatization just goes nuts with some extremely violent scenes.

Verdict: %75 accurate (unless our media are masters in covering things up)

Finally, a little known movie released in 95, Human Cargo, tells the story of an American contractor that traveled to Jeddah in the 70s to build a multi million dollar contract with a Saudi sheik. The culture, as well as some local is spot on (based on my recollection of that period). Although the country did develop, most of the culture remains somewhat the same (corruption).

Verdict: This movie was so powerful that I was cursing the Saudi and rooting for the American by the end....And that does show how cinema is indeed a tool of change, and why it will never be a part of KSA.

The Saudi Theory of Constrainted Views STCV

There is obviously some reservation is the way Saudis of both sexes perceive those from the West, and visa versa.

But why is that? there should be some reason, basis for they way things are they way they are.

For the most part, the common stereotype goes like this:

Saudi men perceive western men as immoral party animals who worship money.

Western men perceive Saudi men as rich retards who are violent and dangerous.

Saudi Women perceive western woman as nymphos who cant wait to ride.

Western women perceive Saudi women as oppressed drones with culty tendencies.

Saudi men perceive Western woman as easy lays whom go crazy over their endownessness

Western women perceive Saudi men as filthy sexist pigs whom shouldn't be allowed outside a cell or mine.

Saudi women perceive Western men as bloodthirsty rapist plunderers.

Western men view Saudi women as weak pets that have no backbone.

So who's to blame, it is clear that the collective view comes from somewhere, most often it is the media, from both sides. Playing on the fact that fear sells. But that needed a basis. And just as Pearl Harbor was a starting point for condemning all that is Japanese in US media, there had to be a catalyst for the portrail of Saudis as they were in movies and TV.

The following is a basic graph showing the links between the four groups, and while Saudi and Western men can familiarize themselves and slightly break through the hardened stereotype shells (as well as Saudi and Western women). The media will prevent the full picture from being shown (that's barbed wire if you were wondering).

Portrait of Bigotry - Don't Let This Pass

Freedom of speech is said to be a necessary right. Hate speech is said to be a punishable offence. Where to draw the line....where to draw...or not draw the comic?

Comics have been a powerful visual conveyor of ideas, so that is why they are used to promote agendas, like the jackass from the Denmark newspaper claiming to uphold the freedom of speech.

But Saudi papers aren't exempt, they need to understand that respect is mutual, and having some radical nutcases defaming and insulting KSA and Islam is not an excuse to go down to that level and degrade other religions (such as Judaism) or nationalities (such as from the far east).

AlWatan newspaper published this cartoon as a commentary about the first case of swine flu being bought to the country by a Filipino nurse, it is degrading and racist. And we should all join in condemning it just as the world condemned the Danish cartoons of yesteryear.

It is with our power of words that freedom of speech is held as a constructive tool, not a publicity stunt that every gomer and hick use to garner the attention and love of the right wing nuts/extremists.

Link to the cartoon

The Pez-audi

I know people tend to associate Saudis with uniformity. We are the Trekkie's of the real world, wearing the same clothes, sport the same facial hair, and boldly go, well everywhere.
That's the problem, bunch of lemmings cause trouble in Spain, every Saudi going there is stereotyped.
Canadian Saudi flasher, watch out everyone.
Stereotyping is a stable against Saudis, its our certificate of authenticity. We have come to expect that we bare the burden of every cumulative Saudi mistake since the dawn of time.
Because we look the same, dress the same, we must be the same.
Like candy from a Pez dispenser, dressed in white and sour all over.

Not Selling the Abaya

Should waitress wear skimpy outfits and act all flirty with men?
One restaurant chain thinks so. Hooters is going to absurd and insulting lengths to patronize backward habits of the west by forcing its female waitresses to dress and behave in a stereotype of subservient Western women. When waitress Lana Assam stood up to the policy, she was fired.
Hooters employees were informed of the policy previously. In addition to wearing the traditional skin tight top and shorts, the policy stated that, "it is expected that female act in a way that entices our core demograph, males 18-30 to cum for more then the food."
To Miss Assam this was outrageous. "I am a proud Saudi woman and I don't want to be demeaned in this way," she told us in an exclusive interview. "I'm a Muslim, and I'm proud to be Saudi." Miss Assam hastened to add that this was not a clash of civilizations but a labor dispute over a sexually discriminatory policy. "This is not a political statement or promotion of one belief over another," she said. "We're living in the 21st century here. Any woman told to be open with men will be outraged, don't you think?"
Miss Assam union representative told her the top & shorts were considered "an item of uniform" and that refusal to wear it should be treated as "a potential disciplinary matter." Miss Assam went to great lengths to avoid coming into conflict with the policy. She asked not to be scheduled to go to the dinning area, but that would remove her from all money making areas, which effectively would cut her salary by a third. When her time finally came to serve, she refused, and was suspended.
Ten months of what Miss Assam refers to as "administrative bullying" ensued before she was dismissed in April 2008. "I started standing up for myself," she said, "and I don't think they liked it." She appealed her case but a labor tribunal accepted Hooters argument that the chain introduced the requirements "entirely from the need to conform to local customs, practices and law in the west."
Hooters should help usher the west into the modern age by setting an example of equality and tolerance rather than pandering to discriminatory practices.

Link to the story

The Winner of the Race-ism

Saudis abroad get a lot of grief, mostly for stuff they don't have anything to do with.
Most have this Homer-esqnece about them where they are too dumb to understand that stereotyping can kill ya.
And yet you have these lemmings flying out in droves, vacations and study courses, even learning a language they can perfectly learn at home. And once they arrive at their destination, they tolerate, make excuses, and are in denial based on how much they are in the hole (not talking about red lights here). But it gets to them, then they unleash the 'Racism rant' in a way that makes them look paranoid.
But it is true, Saudis are discriminated against to a degree where only extortion can soften it. A Saudi with no money abroad is a simple doormat. Saudi students pray that there is no skirmish in Israel during the exam period. Saudi families on vacation hope there isn't an Arab story arc in 24 or any HBO special during their trip to Orlando.
It sucks, it really does. But all we can do is hope to save up enough money to pay off people to accept the fact that it was OTHER Saudis that done those deeds. All we want to do is have overpriced foreign junk.

Outsourcing Culture

What does Saudi Arabia have? Oil and culture. That is all. And as everyone and their grandma are trying to make oil obsolete, culture in Saudi is getting battered from a number of fronts.

First, you got those who are trying to erase it, go down any uptown street or up any downtown slum and you are greeted (not really, more like shocked) with an array of subcultures based on what popular western genre was available. But mostly rap/hip hop for the boys and teenie soaps for the girls. It is quite distressful when dealing with someone who doesn't even have a grasp of their own identity, their ever changing personality are entirely dependant on whatever free time they had last night to shoot up another rap CD or episode of 90210.

The other problem is with those who are outsourcing culture, one example is the importing of the Shumaq (red-white checkered head scarf) from the UK, and blatantly advertising it as the "Original English Shumaq". One far out example is this belly dancing video from Japan:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kk3kIvJlAiQ

If this goes on, once the oil runs out, Saudi cities, void of local culture would resemble broken down malls.

And that concludes the post for today, sayonara, adios, and goodbye.

Jobs Galaore!!!!

Kind of sad really that %20 of Saudis are dirt poor. And by that I mean living on less then $250 a month. Families of 7 crammed into a 2 bed apartment. And all they get is a big fat "GET OFF YOUR LAZY ASS & GET A JOB!!!" from the officials.

Where?

In the US, they complain about outsourcing and immigrants stealing jobs. In Saudi, outsourcing is the default because all the country is, is a giant retail outlet, no production at all. Even the ever omnipotent oil is being refined off shore.

And Jobs? yeah right. Of a population of 26 Million, 12 Million are foreigners. And to put things into perspective, all 12 million are here to work, have jobs. while the barely majority citizens cant find work even with a university degree.

Sure now and then, you get a newspaper article happily announcing another government initiative or huge project that will generate 1000's of jobs. But what the article doesn't specify, is that out every 1000, only 10 are reserved for Saudis (of the highest qualifications I may add).

So its no wonder foreigners love to read Saudi papers, they are probably scoping out future career prospects. All the while the government keeps shooting down any proposal for minimum wage or unemployment benefits.

All Saudis are Rich

There is this misconception that all Saudis are rich, and that they are required by law to be overcharged on anything up and beyond the normal price, especially in Syria or Egypt.

But let get this out of the way right now, not all Saudis have an oil well in their cramped apartments.

But they do have opportunity.
Lets take a look shall we:

Saubi is a typical Saudi, bank account never exceeds $2000.
- So in 2003 he went out and invested all his money in a real estate scheme advertised in the paper, he got %150 in 12 months.
- In 2004 he goes and places his $5000 in the Saudi stock market which is at 5400 points. 2 years later on February 25th, 2006. The market is at 20634. He sells his shares for a total of $20000.
- He then goes and buys gold stock with a price of $530 per ounce. Which he sells 2 years later for $40000 on October 2007

So you see, in 5 years. Saubi made 20 times his original investment with only 4 days of actual work.
The day he signed into the real estate scheme
The day he signed out of the real estate scheme and subscribed to the banks stock investment fund
The day he signed out of the fund and bought the gold stock
The day he sold his gold stock

To say the least, Saubi does not exist. And all Saudis are not in fact, rich. %99 of investment channels in SA are just Ponzi/Pyramid schemes that drain the life out of the population.
To put things into perspective, A Saudi with $40000 in 2003 who chose to invest his money in the most promising and guaranteed aspects ended up with $2000 in 2007.